


Give Me a Reason

by QuirkyKiwi



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Blood, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25696987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuirkyKiwi/pseuds/QuirkyKiwi
Summary: "This was Ashe’s worst nightmare.He stood in the middle of Fort Merceus, the impregnable fortress deep in Empire territory. When Gilbert had mentioned it was under the control of Count Bergliez, the ramifications of that statement hadn’t clicked in Ashe’s mind."///Ashe's reunion with Caspar after five years apart is not what he'd hoped it would be.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert
Comments: 12
Kudos: 35





	Give Me a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> cw: blood, death

This was Ashe’s worst nightmare.

He stood in the middle of Fort Merceus, the impregnable fortress deep in Empire territory. When Gilbert had mentioned it was under the control of Count Bergliez, the ramifications of that statement hadn’t clicked in Ashe’s mind.

But now he was standing directly in the line of sight of his former classmate. He had grown considerably in the last five years, from what Ashe could see. He couldn’t make out his expression from this distance, but he had known him well enough in their time at the academy to know that when he gripped his weapon in that way - two hands, shoulders taut - something was off.

Caspar von Bergliez. Ashe wished they had met again on different terms.

He had never imagined things would turn out this way.

_____

  
  


_“Ashe! Hey, Ashe!”_

_Ashe spun on his heel, books in hand. He was on his way to class. It was still a bit early, but he liked to be punctual._

_“Oh, Caspar! Hello.”_

_“Did you hear? I joined your class!”_

_Ashe blinked. He stared at the teal-haired boy - at the wide grin plastered across his face. He was waiting for some kind of reaction._

_When Ashe’s brain finally caught up, he gave him the reaction he wanted: his eyes widened and his mouth gaped open._

_“Wait, really?! You joined the Blue Lions?!” Caspar’s smile was infectious, spreading to Ashe’s expression as well._

_Caspar laughed heartily. “Yeah! You and I are classmates now! Isn’t that great? We’ll be able to train together even more!”_

_Caspar brought his fists up in front of his face, in a defensive stance._

_Ashe glanced at the ground, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Y-yeah, definitely!”_

_“We’ll make a war master out of you yet, Ashe! Mark my words!” Caspar declared, punching the air between the two of them._

_Ashe’s eyes snapped back to him. “I-I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Caspar! There’s no way I could-”_

_Caspar sighed dramatically, dropping his arms to his sides._

_“Fine, fine. But we at least have to work on your axe skills! You can’t just attack from far away all the time!”_

_____

  
  


One of the benefits to being a sniper, Ashe found, was that he never got covered in his enemy’s blood. He also didn’t have the misfortune of seeing their expressions too clearly. It helped him sleep at night, knowing the faces of those he killed wouldn’t haunt him.

Today would be no exception.

His professor had split up their attack units into smaller groups, to cover more ground. He was currently moving together with Ingrid and Annette, in that order. Ashe stayed at the back, in order to provide them support from a distance. They were a cohesive team, but nowhere near the most powerful the Kingdom army had.

The enemies they had to face were small in number, however, and not all that strong. They managed to defeat all of them without much issue. Ingrid with her spear, Annette with her black magic, and Ashe with his bow.

That was, of course, until Caspar came into Ashe’s view. He had spent enough time with the Bergliez noble to know just how formidable an adversary he could be.

He swallowed hard, despite the dryness of his mouth. Caspar’s eyes never left him, his expression still unreadable.

He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He gripped his bow tighter.

This was Ashe’s worst nightmare.

_____

  
  


_“C-Caspar...please...I can’t take anymore…” Ashe panted, sweat dripping from every part of his body. The grip on his axe was barely strong enough to keep it from falling to the ground - much like his legs were barely strong enough to keep his body from falling to the ground._

_“Aw, come on, Ashe. We’re just getting started!” Caspar seemingly had endless energy for battle - something that Ashe was not blessed with._

_“Maybe...maybe_ you _are…” He supported his hands on his knees, hunching over. “I’m not used to this…”_

_“That’s what happens when all you do is bow training!” Caspar nonchalantly rested his axe over his shoulder. “What’s so great about bows, anyway? They’re boring!”_

_Ashe slowly made his way over to the side of the training ground, shelving his axe on the weapon rack. He picked up a bow and some arrows. He spent a short while catching his breath before responding._

_“They’re accurate, they’re fast, and you can hit your opponents from a distance.”_

_Caspar jogged over to him, putting away his axe as well. “That’s what I mean! Attacking your enemies from far away is boring!”_

_“Maybe for someone like you, who has incredible defence.” Ashe stared at the bow in his hand. “For someone like me, distance can mean the difference between life and death.”_

_Caspar glanced at the sky. “I guess I never thought of it like that.”_

_A moment of silence passed before Caspar spoke up again, “We’ll just have to work on your defence then!”_

_Ashe chuckled dryly as he strode to the centre of the training grounds. He turned to face where Caspar was standing._

_“You really don’t get it, do you?”_

_Ashe took a deep breath, loading an arrow into his bow. He brought the weapon up, drawing the string back. He held his breath, aimed carefully, then released._

_Caspar yelped. The arrow had landed directly in the centre of the target next to his head._

_“Hey! Warn a guy before you shoot an arrow at his face, okay?!”_

_Ashe exhaled audibly. He kept his head low, looking at Caspar through the strands of hair stuck to his face._

_“Don’t get on my bad side, Caspar.”_

_Caspar stared back at him, dumbfounded._

_Then he laughed so hard it looked like his sides were going to split._

_“H-hey! What’s so funny?!”_

_“‘Don’t get on my bad side, Caspar.’” he mocked. Ashe pouted at the poor mimicry of his voice. “You’re about as intimidating as a kitten, Ashe.”_

_“I-I can be intimidating!”_

_“I’d like to see you try! You can’t scare a guy like me!”_

_____

  
  


Ashe’s arrow pierced directly through the chest of a mage. They were preparing a spell, about to attack Ingrid. Ingrid hadn’t noticed them - she was too focused on skewing a mounted knight on her spear. Both enemies fell to the ground simultaneously.

Their small task force had moved further into the fort.

Ashe chanced a glance across the battlefield at Caspar. Since moving closer, Ashe had a better indication of Caspar’s expression. He could see the teal-haired man’s eyes blown wide as he stared from the fallen mage to Ashe. His grip on his axe tightened.

Ashe could have sworn he saw… No, it couldn’t be…

...Was Caspar trembling?

His focus shifted as he heard Ingrid yell, her spear penetrating yet another empire soldier. Annette was next to her, casting black magic on a heavily armoured knight nearby.

Ashe scanned the battlefield. He spotted an archer not too far from Ingrid and Annette, getting ready to shoot.

In one swift motion, Ashe aimed his bow into the air at a perfect angle to strike the archer through the top of the skull, killing him instantly.

His eyes once again wandered to Caspar. His stance had changed. He looked about ready to charge, but he wasn’t looking at Ashe anymore.

He was staring directly at Annette.

Ashe’s heart rate picked up. His bow shook in his hand. His pupils darted between Caspar and the red-headed mage.

He had a few options, but not much time.

He could shout to Annette, alerting her to Caspar’s presence, so she could take care of him. Caspar might have had high defence during their academy days, but his resistance to magic had always been weak.

Or…

...Ashe could take care of him himself.

He was a sniper - it was his job to stop threats before they got too close. There was no reason for him to pin that on anyone else.

...But he couldn’t do that - he couldn’t kill Caspar.

They were friends. For a time, they were in the same class. He cared deeply for him. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t seen each other in years.

They shared a bond Ashe had never known before, and he was certain Caspar felt the same way. They didn’t have to kill each other. Ashe didn’t have to kill him.

Ashe didn’t _want_ to kill him. Wasn’t that reason enough? 

...No, he knew it wasn’t. Personal feelings didn’t matter in the middle of a war.

Maybe if he shouted to him, he could convince him not to fight. He could convince him to surrender.

...Couldn’t he?

Caspar gained distance quickly, so Ashe didn’t have much time to think it over. Ingrid and Annette both hadn’t spotted him. At the end of the day, the outcome of this was all riding on Ashe’s decision.

This scenario reminded him too much of having to kill Lonato.

He knew that if he did nothing, Annette likely wouldn’t survive the attack. He could have her kill Caspar instead, but…

...He needed to be the one to do it.

And he knew in his heart, despite what he wanted to believe, Caspar would never surrender. He wasn’t the kind of man to do that.

Goddess, Ashe wished he was.

_____

  
  


_“Hey, Ashe… I’ve been thinking.”_

_Ashe looked up from his book. “Oh? About what?”_

_Caspar rested his chin on one of his hands, using the other to tap his fingers on the table they sat at. Ashe was taken aback when Caspar wanted to accompany him to the library, but he wasn’t going to object. Any time he got to spend with him was precious._

_He did feel a little bad he wasn’t paying much attention to the brawler, but Caspar always piped up whenever he had something on his mind. He cherished these moments._

_“You and I make a pretty good team.”_

_Ashe blinked. Caspar was the type of guy that liked to rush into things headfirst, without thinking. He was quite the opposite of Ashe in a lot of ways. He also seemed like the type of person who didn’t want to rely on anyone else._

_“P-pardon?”_

_Caspar sat back and crossed his arms across his chest, looking up at the ceiling. “I used to think that I could take on entire armies by myself. And don’t get me wrong, I still totally could!”_

_His eyes wandered back to Ashe as he grinned his famous Caspar-grin. “But it’s nice knowing that someone has my back. Literally!” His hearty laugh filled the library, earning the couple a few dirty looks from other students._

_“I can always count on you to shoot enemies I don’t see right away. I don’t think there’s anyone else I’d trust to do that, besides you.”_

_Ashe stared at him, eyes wide, lips parted._

_Caspar chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “And hey, I’ll be your meat wall! I know your defence still kinda sucks, so I’ll take on anyone that tries to hurt you! That’s a promise!”_

_Ashe shook his head. “Caspar-”_

_“With you sniping anyone I can’t see, and me brawling everyone I_ can _see, we can take out countless waves of enemies! Just you and me! Caspar and Ashe! The perfect te-”_

_“Caspar!”_

_Caspar stared at him, surprised. “Yeah?”_

_“Don’t say things like that.” Ashe fought against the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “You’re not invincible! If you bite off more than you can chew, you won't be able to swallow!”_

_“I don’t really see what this has to do with eating, but-”_

_“_ It’s not about eating! _”_

_His chair hit the floor as he stood up suddenly, slamming his hands on the table. “If you try to take on too many enemies at once, you’re going to get overwhelmed! Don’t do that, not even for my sake!”_

_Tears stung at his eyes. He fought them back as best as he could. Caspar stared at him, unblinking._

_“Being one half of a perfect team means nothing if the other half gets himself killed!”_

_Ashe clenched his hands into fists. He looked down at the table, unsure as to how long he could hold back crying._

_A few shushes came from different spots in the library. Caspar laughed nervously again._

_“I didn’t mean to get you this fired up! I’m sorry, and you’re right.” He stood up as well, clasping his hand on Ashe’s shoulder._

_“I promise I won’t be reckless. And you’d better promise to keep watching my back! Okay?”_

_Ashe looked up at Caspar. His grin was as wide as ever._

_A single tear rolled down Ashe’s cheek as he replied, “I promise.”_

_____

  
  


Ashe barely had time to aim. By the time his mind was made up, Caspar was close enough that Ashe could see his face nearly perfectly. 

As Caspar brought his arms above his head to strike Annette with a decisive blow, Ashe shot an arrow into his side.

Caspar grunted, sidestepping away, grasping at his side. Finally alerted to his presence, Annette poised herself to finish him off.

She shot a wind spell at his hunched form, but it wasn’t enough to stop him.

He jumped out of the way of her attack, grinning despite the obvious pain he was in.

Ingrid leapt in front her, shouting, “Watch my back!” as she lunged forward with her spear.

The tip of the weapon pierced through his chestplate, directly into his shoulder.

Caspar cried out, taking only a split second to collect himself before slamming his axe down _hard_ onto Ingrid’s arm.

Ingrid’s blood-curdling scream could probably be heard throughout the entirety of Fort Merceus.

She staggered back, clutching her gushing arm. Her face was a mixture of pain and anger - her eyes as sharp as daggers.

“ _Ingrid_!” Annette yelled, finishing off another armoured knight that had charged towards her. She rushed to the blonde woman’s side, immediately casting Heal.

Caspar readied himself for another attack, but was instantly denied by two arrow shots to his back.

In the confusion, Ashe had taken up position behind Caspar. 

He had only wished he was a little quicker.

Maybe then Ingrid wouldn’t have gotten injured.

Caspar dropped to his knees, stopping for a second before falling all the way - his chest hitting the firm stone with a _thud_.

Ashe went pale. His mind went blank. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

“ _ASHE!”_

It took Annette five times screaming his name for him to finally hear her, despite their proximity to each other.

He looked into her eyes and blinked a couple times - the only indication that he could hear and understand her.

“We’ve cleared out all the enemies I can see around here. I’m taking Ingrid to Mercedes to get better healing. Catch up with us once you’ve surveyed the area, okay?”

Ashe tried to nod. He wasn’t sure if he managed, but Annette took off - grasping firmly onto Ingrid as she went - to find Mercedes.

He was left alone with Caspar.

Or, more likely, what was once Caspar.

He dropped to his knees next to the fallen man, the threat of tears stinging his eyes. His gloved fingertips pressed firmly into the palm of his hands.

He was glad no one else from the Kingdom army was around - kneeling before an enemy soldier could be seen as treasonous.

But, if Ashe was honest with himself, he didn’t care anymore.

“Caspar…” His voice cracked. His eyes stung. He hated this. “I’m so sorry…”

He hated war.

He hated Edelgard.

...He hated Linhardt.

_____

  
  


_A knock came at Ashe’s door. If this was any other night, he might not have even heard it. After all, he was usually asleep at this hour._

_This night, however, was no ordinary night._

_Edelgard had just declared war against the church._

_There was no way Ashe was going to sleep that night._

_He got up from his desk and opened the door. He wasn’t sure who he was expecting, but he certainly wasn’t expecting-_

_“Caspar?”_

_Caspar refused to look him in the eyes. He stood in silence for a moment, his teeth clenched. He seemed to be fighting with some sort of inner demons Ashe couldn’t see._

_“I’m joining Edelgard.”_

_Ashe blinked. He looked down at Caspar’s hand, noticing the travel bag. The words still didn’t sink in._

_“You’re...what?”_

_Caspar winced. He clearly didn’t want to do this, so why was he?_

_“Caspar, why-”_

_“I can’t abandon my homeland!”_

_Caspar finally looked Ashe in the eyes. Those piercing blues were red and slightly puffy._

_“I don’t know what any of this means for the Kingdom or the Alliance, but I know that I could never fight against the Empire. I could never fight L-” he coughed, as if choking on the name._

_“I could never fight Linhardt.”_

_That sentence was like a punch to the gut._

_Ashe couldn’t believe what was happening. His brain filled up instantly. There were so many things he wanted to say -_

\- “Oh, but you could fight me? What about everything we’ve been through? What about protecting each other, about not letting each other die? _Aren’t we the perfect team?!_ ” -

_\- there were so many things he wanted to do -_

\- grab Caspar’s shirt collar, yell at him until his voice broke, beg him until he listened -

_\- but his body betrayed him. He could only stand in silence as his friend said his final goodbye._

_He watched as Caspar walked off into the night. He wanted to run after him, shout after him,_ anything _to stop him from going through with this._

_But his body was frozen in place. His mind was mush._

_He just hoped, he_ prayed _, that he would never have to meet Caspar in battle._

_He’d never be able to live with himself if he killed Caspar._

_____

  
  


Caspar attempted to chuckle, but ended up coughing up blood instead. “What happened to your accuracy, Ashe? You’re not-” another cough, “-going easy on me, are you?”

Ashe’s eyes widened. After all of that, he was still-

“Y-you’re alive!”

His voice was hoarse, strained, but Caspar could still understand him.

“Barely.” Another cough. “The Kingdom army is a lot stronger…” he took a long, laboured breath, “...than we realized.”

He turned his head to look at Ashe. Blood was dripping from his mouth, but his lips still wore a smile.

“But maybe that’s just because...you’re on their side.”

Ashe’s tears were flowing openly down his face now. He bowed his head, letting the water droplets fall onto his hands.

For a while, the only sounds that could be heard were distant fighting, Ashe’s sobs, and Caspar’s breathing.

“I, uh, guess Lin’s done for too, huh?”

Ashe said nothing. Linhardt was the last person he wanted to think about. A small part of him blamed the green-haired mage for this, even though he knew that was irrational.

Edelgard might have started the war, Caspar might have returned to the Empire to protect his childhood friend -

\- but Ashe took the shot, no one else.

In truth, he didn’t know if Linhardt was dead. But if he was in this fort as well, chances were…

“...Yeah, I assumed that was going to happen,” Caspar uttered. The silence was the only answer he needed.

He sighed, the breath catching in his throat, making him cough up more blood.

“It really sucks. I broke a lot of promises today.”

Ashe looked him in the eyes. His vision was blurry, but he could still see Caspar’s face near perfectly. He had changed so much in these five long years. Like Ashe, he had become a man now.

Ashe wished he could have been with him.

“Caspar…” His voice cracked again. His eyes squeezed shut. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to scream and curse the Goddess for everything that had happened.

There were so many things he wanted to say to him. So many things were left unsaid when Caspar left him at the monastery. Nothing had changed in these five years, but everything had changed.

Memories from their academy days kept playing in his mind.

He had broken promises today, too.

His mind was racing. He wanted to say everything, but the only words he could manage were-

“I’m so sorry…”

Ashe felt a hand on his. He opened his eyes. Caspar had forced himself onto his knees, their faces mere inches apart.

Despite everything, Caspar was smiling.

Caspar was always smiling. Caspar was always optimistic, resilient, unstoppable.

That’s what made all of this hurt even more.

Caspar squeezed, though the action didn’t have much power behind it.

“I’m sorry...too...”

Ashe pulled Caspar up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around the Adrestian man’s shoulders, holding him tightly. He sobbed into his teal hair.

He held Caspar as his body ran cold. He held Caspar as his breathing slowed. He held Caspar as he went limp, the last of his strength finally leaving his body.

For the first - and only - time, Ashe was covered in his enemy’s blood.

He wailed until his voice broke.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry that this is my first posted fic, don't hate me  
> my other ones will be fun i promise
> 
> twitter: @KiwiQuirky - come say hi!


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